Almost two months in

This posting doesn't offer any  earth shattering insights or revelations about my research. I don't seem to have mastered all the jargon and philosophical concepts that are inherent in doing a doctorate. So it's a lookback at what I've been doing over the last few weeks, since induction on 5 October.

Well, I'm almost two months into my part-time PhD and I'm not sure how much I've achieved.  I seem to be doing lots of searches for references, downloading articles to read later, making lots of notes and not getting any nearer or clearer on how I want to narrow my research field and come up with some research questions.  I've developed some aims and objectives and about 3 different ways that I could approach the broader topic/concept.  I think that this is usual at this stage.

What I am surprised about is how much I need to motivate myself, to try to find ways of developing and defining the next step or task in what I need to do.  Although I'm keeping a log of notes where I record ideas, it seems that it's all as clear as fog.

I'm going on the research methods course at Southampton on 5 December for the week.  While I'm probably doing it a year earlier than I need to, I think that it will offer me concepts and insights around research philosophy and methodology that I will need.  I also have a meeting with my supervisor and I'm relishing the prospect of being a proper student again.  Being able to say that you're a PhD student (even as a mature one) is liberating and also provides part of my identity now.  I've been warned that I'll be buzzing after the course and will need to allow time to reflect and mull over all the new ideas and material.

At the same time, there are some significant life changes happening soon after the New Year and we've been busy preparing for them.   And there'll be more to come.

Catching up

I handed in my MSc dissertation at Manchester Business School (MBS) today.  It doesn't feel like the end of a journey; it's more like a significant staging post and I'm waiting to move on to the next stage (of what? you may ask.  Answer: I'm not sure).

Still, I can at least now say that I've completed and submitted a small piece of original research and take credit for it.  And I've also proved that I can write, deliver to time and grit my teeth to get it done.

I've also got some material to use in presentations, something original or different to talk about.  I'm 'legitimate' in academic eyes. I also know that I'm looking at a new area, an intersection of other disciplines/subjects.  

So where and what now:  pursuing background reading on research methods for my PhD (which I start in September), also try to define my broad research area(s) and some concepts around it.

And to face reality:  I become a diamond just before Christmas and I'm hoping that I'll graduate as well.  So why am I taking on a PhD?  Because I want to, to establish and demonstrate (or prove?) my academic and intellectual credentials, to keep my brain occupied (to ward possible old age dementia which seems to run in the family), to ward to depression.  Having goals and deadlines gives me something to focus on, keeps me interested. And most of all it's about writing, having a broad framework in which I have an opportunity to explore, read and conjure up something new, to make a contribution to knowledge.  And most of all to make a dream that I've long had, since I had any inkling that I had any intellectual capacity and aspirations, to earn the designation 'Dr'.

Musings - 21 March

In between things

I'm a sculptor, not quite sure what
I'm creating or what
the purpose is

All I know is that I have
the raw materials
and they need
shaping, impersonal though
they are at
first

the material needs my
imprint, my effort
my heart and head

It is painful being a sculptor
and it doesn't come easily
I try to avoid
getting down to work
getting my hands dirty 
Getting embroiled

And yet in my heart I know
That the result will be worth
So much more than the
Pain of childbirth

Ah but I can procrastinate for GB
Twitter, Amazon galore, then email,
And still I hesitate
To dip a toe in
Even the tomato clock isn’t
Tempting me

It’s so obvious
I have the materials in front of
Me
Cutting and scraping, smoothing and soothing,
moving things around from A to Z
and all I have to do
Is switch on ‘track changes’
And an editing I will go
On the latest draft
Of my words

Ah, but I don’t want to do this

This n' that

Nonsense Wordle

All white

All white

She cried to the

lily white chrysanthemum

who in turn

shouted to the red dahlia

I’m blue, I’m blue

“Green be!” “Green be!”

the grass is as low as the sky

sang the yellow and

black striped wasp

to the cat sitting nearby

“Cream, lick cream”

purred the marmalade

cat sitting on the

toast rack looking

at she who must be heard